Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
