dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
