Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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