I'm going to jail i love you
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
