Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
