I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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