Kiss
Puke
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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