I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
