So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
