Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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