I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
