Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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