You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
