White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All the doctor said was why
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
