It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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