If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
