can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
