But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
