doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
what day is it and did you see me today?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize