I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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