lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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