Me too!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
