If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
