On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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