I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
