We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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