8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
MIDGETS
????
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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