Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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