McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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