i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
