He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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