I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
This is the high leading the old right now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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