his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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