Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
