our cab driver is having phone sex.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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