You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
