I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
