woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...