Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night