I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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