My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
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would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???