Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
