am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
