I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
