It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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