so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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