Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
