Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
