eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
