Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
