I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
