my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
