You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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