i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
