if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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