Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
