Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
