There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
