I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
