Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
