If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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