dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i already hear my dad disowning me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
