What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
