I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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