No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
