She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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