Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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