so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
