I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
