i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
