remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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