I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
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i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize