So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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