we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
