He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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