Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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