Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
