It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
