Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
