Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
