just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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