i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
