Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
