I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
