____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
